What happens when you sit alone with your thoughts? No one there to intrude or interrupt.

For many years it was impossible for me to do. Rather than bear the weight of my insecurities, I’d distract myself with women and booze, with friends and relationships, few of whom serving the person I wanted to become.

Anxiety wasn’t yet endemic, at least not as part of the cultural conversation, but it was a real shadow in my life which took me down a dark path on more than one occasion.

It was during those times when sitting alone simply wasn’t an option. I’d sooner befriend the monsters in my closet than I would look inward.

Personal growth isn’t generally something you scribble onto your calendar. It tends to happen to you, and usually in spite of best efforts to avoid it.

In 2018 I began surrounding myself with people I admired. People I actually wanted to be like. Their influence helped me to see what it looked like to be a better person. Rather than admonish me for my bad habits, they shared how they dealt with intrusive thoughts. Instead of pushing them down, they were approached without judgment, and more importantly, without fear.

When you stop labeling your thoughts as good or bad, you begin to make peace with them. That’s when something shifts. You stop running. You stop reaching for someone else to pull you back from the edge.

And when you become someone you can sit with, like really sit with, you become a better friend, a better partner, and a better human to the people who once carried that weight for you.