I’ve known a lot of Treys over the years. There was the Trey in high school who was desperate to fit in, making fun of himself so the popular kids would think he was funny.

There was the Trey in college who finally found his people. That newfound belonging gave him the confidence to use his voice. He didn’t always use it with the best of intentions, but at least now he knew he had one.

Then came the Trey in his 20s. Slightly cocky, perhaps with a small chip on his shoulder. His intentions weren’t always the best and he tended to blame anyone but himself when the world didn’t work in his favor.

Life, contrary to the fairy tales he’d grown up repeating in his head, hadn’t given him the layups he thought he was entitled to. He wasn’t a self-made millionaire Silicon Valley tycoon with a three-book deal and movie rights.

There had been a belief that the good things were coming to him, that all he had to do was sit back and wait. But when they didn’t, Trey became an angry person. He complained constantly. He did anything he could to avoid doing the work to get what he thought he wanted.

Sometimes I wonder what would’ve happened if I’d figured this out earlier. What if high school Trey had learned how to value himself? What if college Trey had let his friends get close? It’s hard to imagine what a lifetime of friendships feels like.

I’d bet Trey would’ve found a great career early on, advancing quickly, not because of how smart he was, but because he learned how to lead with character. He would have taken accountability during hard times and shared his wins with those around him.

Mindset is everything. I didn’t figure that out until I stopped believing the fairy tales.

Challenges and adversity don’t care who they land on. But the people who meet them with growth in mind? They’re the ones who move forward.