T-6 Days to August 7th

I can’t believe I’ve made it this far.

And I don’t mean that as some false modesty to generate clicks. I genuinely can’t believe it. As of today, I’ve created 34 videos in 34 days. That number alone feels impossible, but it barely captures the scope. Every single day has included writing, editing, and publishing across four platforms. One video would’ve been an accomplishment. Doing it daily has felt like dancing with burnout.

It’s been a lot. Arguably too much. But somehow, I’m still here.

I wish I could tell you this project started from a place of deep meaning. That it was a pilgrimage into my 40s. A chance to reflect and share the wisdom I’ve accumulated over the course of my life. But that would be a lie. The truth is, I wanted to do it because I knew it would be hard. I knew the likelihood of success was incredibly low. And if I failed, I could just say it was too much, and everyone online would forget I ever said anything about it.

But if I pulled it off, if I actually succeeded, it would be undeniable proof. Proof that I’m capable of pushing through the mental stories I’ve told myself. Proof that I could operate at a higher level than I’ve given myself credit for. That was the appeal. The fear, and the slim chance of glory on the other side of it.

In the early days of 40 to 40, I kept coming back to the feeling of Everybody’s Free (To Wear Sunscreen). That song has always carried an almost sacred energy for me. It’s not just advice. It’s permission. Permission to let go of expectations. Permission to dream. Permission to pursue a life that doesn’t follow the rules you’ve always accepted.

There’s a line in that song that’s always stuck with me: Do one thing every day that scares you.

That’s what this project has become. A daily practice in fear. Fear of failing in public. Fear of opening up too much. Fear of being misunderstood. Fear of not finishing. But every day, I show up anyway. And in doing so, I’ve started to realize something. The fear never really goes away. But your capacity to move through it gets stronger.

For the last six months, I’ve also been training for something that terrified me: swimming 40×100 yards in a single workout. It was part of this whole countdown, and I honestly didn’t know if I could do it. But today, I got in the pool and did exactly that. I jumped in, literally and figuratively, and made it happen—thanks to the coaching and support I received along the way.

What scared me on day one doesn’t scare me anymore. Not because it stopped being hard, but because I stopped letting fear decide who I get to be.